Joe was scouting venues in San Ramon when his stomach made an executive decision. He needed steak. He pulled out his phone and Googled “best steak San Ramon.” That’s when he saw it: four sauces on a rustic board with a sprig of thyme. All four for $6.
At LB Steak in City Center Bishop Ranch, Joe did the math: 8oz filet ($61), four sauces ($6), truffle fries ($14), grilled asparagus with “egg jam” and “shiso pistou” ($16). $97 before drinks. He asked Claude what egg jam was. Slow-cooked egg yolks with butter and sugar. Shiso pistou? Japanese-French fusion sauce. I need this.
At 4:15 PM, Joe ordered his meal with a Beefeater Gibson (cocktail onions, perfect). When he asked the server about the egg jam and shiso pistou, a British voice behind him erupted:
“FINALLY. Someone asking about proper condiments instead of ranch dressing!”
A very tall, very intense man sat down. “My guest is detained. Traffic on 680. You’re ordering intelligently. I’m going to guide you through this meal properly.”
The food arrived. The filet was perfect. The four sauces sat on their wooden board like edible art. The mystery chef leaned in. “This is not a free-for-all. This is a TASTING. A ceremony.”
He ordered sparkling water. “We cleanse the palate between each sauce. Otherwise you’ve wasted six dollars and my time.”
The Sauce Ceremony
“Béarnaise first. The queen of steak sauces. Buttery, silky, that tarragon bite. This is what civilized people eat.” Joe tasted. Transcendent. “Water. Drink.”
“Green peppercorn. Cream, brandy, demi-glace. Milder than black pepper. Tangy, fruity. They enhance.” The gentle heat built slowly. “Water.”
“Bordelaise. Red wine, bone marrow, shallots. French tradition in liquid form. Two hundred years of technique you don’t mess with. Water.”
“Point Reyes blue cheese butter. Polarizing. You either love blue cheese or you’re wrong.” The funk was glorious. “Which is your favorite?”
“Béarnaise. But the blue cheese surprised me.”
“Good answer. That blue cheese is for people with confidence.”
The Ketchup Incident
Joe reached for a truffle fry. Golden, crispy, smelling of truffle oil and parmesan. “Do you think they have ketchup?”
Silence.
“I’m sorry, WHAT? KETCHUP?” He said it like Joe had suggested arson. “You want to take TRUFFLE FRIES—real truffle oil, aged parmesan, fresh herbs—and dunk them in KETCHUP?”
“Ketchup is for McDonald’s. Frozen bags. These fries have FLAVOR. TECHNIQUE. Putting ketchup on these is like putting ketchup on Wagyu. It’s like putting ketchup on CAVIAR. It’s an INSULT.”
He grabbed a fry and pointed it at Joe. “If I EVER catch you putting ketchup on truffle fries, I’m calling the police.”
His phone buzzed. “My guest has arrived. You did well. Asked the right questions. Tasted properly. Almost ruined it with ketchup, but you’re learning. Enjoy the rest. No ketchup.”
He left. Joe finished his perfectly guided $97 meal.
LB Steak
City Center Bishop Ranch
6000 Bollinger Canyon Road, #1614
San Ramon, CA 94583
(925) 430-6893
Which celebrity chef guided Joe through this meal?
Would you try this $97 steak dinner?
Ketchup on truffle fries: Yes or No?
Share your guesses with us!