I had a special treat this week: lunch at the wonderful French restaurant, **RÊVE**, with a very famous, very tall, and extremely dry-witted mystery guest. He’s a guy who spent a lot of time behind a desk, asking celebrities uncomfortable questions and looking confused when they answered.
The menu itself is a work of art, with dishes carefully crafted by **Chef/Owner Paul Magu-Lecugy**. But my guest, who we’ll just call “Dave,” only had eyes for one thing: the high-maintenance, high-status appetizer.
**The Fish Eggs and the Funny Bone**
Dave immediately pointed to the **REGIIS OVA OSSETRA CAVIAR**. “\$119 for 30 grams,” he deadpanned. “I don’t know who has this kind of money, but I bet they own a regional airline and have a lot of feelings about the moon.”
The waiter informed us that this exact caviar is served at the famously expensive **French Laundry and Per Se**. Dave just looked over his glasses and said, “See? Already too much pressure. I can’t eat food that’s on a first-name basis with billionaires.“
When it arrived, the presentation was immaculate, accompanied by the **blini, crème fraîche & chives**. Then came the inevitable. Dave picked up the non-metal spoon—a detail that clearly bothered him.
“You have to use the fancy spoon,” he muttered, leaning in so only I could hear. “Because if you use metal, it ‘taints the flavor.’ You’re telling me this fish egg has a better health plan than my cameraman?”
He took a tiny, careful bite. He paused, thoughtful. “You know, it’s good. It really is. But it tastes like I should be signing a treaty, not having lunch.”
**Beyond the Absurdity (But Still Funny)**
For the main course, Dave chose the **STEAK FRITES**, because a man who appreciates simple honesty always comes back to meat and potatoes. He ordered the 8 oz portion, along with the **house made peppercorn sauce & French fries**.
“I need something solid,” he declared. “Something that doesn’t require a whole lesson plan to eat. Steak and fries. It’s a rock you can build a house on.” He finished the meal with a warm mug of coffee, watching the dining room and offering his final observation: “Ah, Lafayette. It’s got a good vibe. Unlike those fish eggs, it’s not trying too hard.”
It was a fantastic, hilarious afternoon. The food was beautiful, the company was unforgettable, and I only broke one rule of proper caviar etiquette. (I used my pinky finger to scoop up a stray chive. Don’t tell Dave.)
THE PERFECT BITE & PAIRING
**The Perfect Bite (In Brief)**
- **Structure:** Spread a thin layer of **crème fraîche** on the whole **blini**.
- **Spoon:** Always use the **non-metal spoon** provided to scoop the caviar. Metal can taint the delicate flavor.
- **Consume:** Place the caviar on the cream, add a few chives, and eat in one or two bites. **Do not chew!** Gently press the pearls with your tongue to release the flavor.
**Champagne Cellar Selection**
The menu itself states that the caviar “Pairs perfectly with **Champagne**”. The ideal pairing for salty Ossetra is a bone-dry, crisp **Brut Nature** or a **Blanc de Blancs** (100% Chardonnay). The high acidity and fine bubbles cleanse the palate between the rich, oily bites of the caviar, preparing your mouth for the next burst of flavor.
RÊVE
960 Moraga Rd
Suite F
Lafayette, CA 94549
*The menu reviewed is RÊVE FALL 2025*
**The Challenge:**
Can You Guess Our Mystery Guest?
**Which late-night comedian was my lunch companion at RÊVE?**
**Would you splurge on the \$119 caviar?**
Mail your guess to Frank!